One cycle down! So far, I've taken well to the chemo: no nausea, little fatigue, slow hair loss. Today I attended my grandfather's funeral. A sad occasion, but it was good to see the family. We went to a nice Italian restaraunt afterward and shared in good times over dinner as so often we did at his dinner table. He had a way of bringing the family together in the spirit of merriment. This evening's dinner proved no different, and his presence could be felt in our laughter and revelry.
93, 4 kids, 3 grandkids. I'm exicited to get through these next 5 cycles so that I can continue pursuing a life that I can only hope will turn out to be as complete as my grandfather's.
My thoughts and blessings to you all. I am positive that your good thoughts and vibes have mitigated what negative reactions I may have had to my treament. I can turn my head further to the left more than I've been able to in like two months!
Friend,
It would appear that the world did not end for most people in December 2012. My part of me wishes that I could be counted among them, the other is excited about the world reborn that lies before me. My most indubitable joy is that I have such an unmatched group of friends and family to help support me and share in these changing times.
Enough ambiguity. I have cancer. Hodgkin’s lymphoma - stage III, possibly stage IV. Treatment begins this Friday (2/15/13). For those interested, the treatment is called ABVD, it is a chemotherapy, and there is a nice write-up about it on Wikipedia. According to the literature provided by the oncologist, this treatment has a 90% success rate in patients my age. I suppose this is one of the few times that I shouldn’t strive to be exceptional. You, reading this, you need to know this, that, even though you haven’t even tried, you have proven to be exceptional to me.
We are galactic harmonics in perfect tune. A karass with our wampeter resonating in infinite flux. You have given me everything I need, but still you give more. You’re reading this now. It’s a comforting thought.
It was not my first choice to consent to conventional chemotherapy. Natural remedies were my go-to. However, natural remedies are far better suited for cancers that develop tumors, whereas lymphoma is a strange thing that just keeps stealing nutrients from the rest of one’s body to continually generate lymphocytes. No tumors. Just swollen (make that swollen-as-hell) lymph nodes.
The treatment lasts six months. The “goal” of the treatment is to destroy my immune system, make it collapse in upon itself like a dying star, so that it may nebulously rebuild itself once the treatment is complete. While I’m on the juice, I’ll go hairless as a frog and be about as functional as a Windows Vista laptop. But then I’ll get better. Of that, I’m sure.
I’ve lost 60-70 lbs over the past year - a dream for some, and, I’ll admit, the first 20 lbs were nice. I’ll be happy when I no longer look like a very tall grey alien.
I have a vision for myself once all of this is past. You are part of it. I hope you’re excited.
Some good news in all of this: I got a job at GTECH, the world’s leading lottery vendor. The money’s good, but more importantly, the insurance is quite good. That pretty much landed on me with perfect timing. The Universe has plans. What exactly the hell it’s up to now is beyond me at present - but these things have a way of making themselves known.
Thank you for your love. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for your concern. Thank you for sticking by. Thank you for the silly happenstance that you have become you, and all you are.
In lak'ech,
Ryan
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.” - Marianne Williamson
“That which is to give light, must endure burning.” - Victor Frankl
